For Christelle Brouck

 I knew who you were when we first met.

I was in shoes, street shoes, and you told me later that you thought I danced jerkily and that was okay because jerky was a style in and as of itself, but I wore tango shoes the next time and you were drunk and you thought holy moly this guy can dance smooth.
You laughed a lot in our dances, and you said that you had no idea what your feet were doing, and I said me neither. That made you laugh harder.
I asked you if you had done something to have your chakras re-aligned, and you smiled in that way you do and you said that you knew I got it. That made me feel connected and spiritually knowledgeable even though I had no idea what it meant to align chakras.
You said it felt like it had been helicoptering around and when it came home you felt like you'd found you, and I smiled and said I understood.
We had these misunderstandings and projections on each other but I can't seem to find the strength to remember or write them down.
After you were diagnosed, you told me you knew your journey and I knew that was the beginning of the end, although I didn't want to believe it. I walked home because I wanted to take as much time as I needed to remember the color of that night at Joo Chiat.
When I came to pick you up, time had fallen to the wayside as you sat there at the pool. We were late for the chemo. You said you'd been dreading it and that it tore you apart from inside. It took everything from Sylvain and I to not cry for you.
I saw you regaining your strength bit by bit, and you said you'd interpret all my dreams when you were done fighting cancer. You even took the time to send me a 20 minute interpretation.
On one of the trips I told you and Sylvain that I would be WWOOFing to see the end of the world, you were both so so happy you even asked me why I wasn't staying longer.
I'm so happy you got to see some pictures before the end.
You ended up taking the bus to chemo by yourself.
I would send you dreams and you would tell me to heal, and that you were sorry you didn't have more energy.
And just before you passed, a forest spirit came to knock on my yurt.
All I have left of you is these 26 minutes and the inability to cry.
My dreams have been insane of late, now that you're done with cancer, come find me there.

- RIP Christelle Brouck, ashes to ashes, stardust to stardust

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