Arthaus: The Father space

 Arthaus: Day Eighteen


Son. Are you ready to enter my space?

I stood up. Without the mask, please. Wow. I stood at the edge of the space, and already I saw the charge of the space. It was cold, yet warm. There was a void, and a blurriness at the edges that whispered. I stepped into the space and stumbled in. The emptiness was sucking me in. Where is Father? I combed around in front of me, parting the veil (cobwebs?) and then stumbled again. There were thunderclouds all around me, and I was not too keen on going near them. Again and again I stretched my arms out in front of me blindly, until I felt the warmth on my finger tips. Are you there? Lend voice, but not to your psychology. I became the Father. I was the thunderclouds in the surrounding, and I was the void in the middle. I was big, massive, and slowly I morphed into holding the thunderclouds. I was holding the space. My father isn't that big. Also, the void. There's a sense of disconnection, there was a disconnection with the son, and with the ground. I have to disconnect somehow. My feet were now turned so that I walked on the outside of my feet. I was holding up the thunderclouds, and I didn't have good legs to help me do it. 'Aaaaaaaaaarhhh' a rumbling sound to resemble the rumbling weather. 'Arrarrrrrrh'. Voice. 'I'M TRYING!' Shaking with the tension, with the impending collapse of the thunderclouds, I yelled, 'I'm TRYING!'. Father was trying. He was always trying. And then I was dragging the son through the space. This way! I've found a way! Bigger! I stretched even more. What are your legs doing? Live it in your body. My feet were shaking, and so my arms started shaking. My body squirmed, trying to compensate. Bigger! I started chugging into the space. It was not a pretty run. I stomped to an edge, pushing against it, and stomped to another, pushing it out. I need to hold this space for my kid! I need a bigger space for him to grow into. I... am trying so hard to hold this space. And when the energy died down, I changed back into 'Son' and tried walking out. The thunderclouds blocked me for a second. Out you go!

Sarah and Annette both laid their hands on me in comfort. I drew shaky breaths.

The clarity was stunning. Most of the people in the space would later tell me that 'I'm trying' hit home.

During the break I played with a baby. I think I'm discovering my inner father. I will call my parents next week.

Later, in Ariel's class, we would explore the presence with our friends. Putting our hands on our partners, and holding their space for them. Mathilde is extremely earthy, and for some reason, I have found that I now prefer channeling my presence with some space. The contrast between our contact was pretty stark. Hers was a lot more full on contact, while mine was lighter.

Start from the point of departure for the mask. What is the space you take. What is the space you feel like you take. What is the space you want to take. What is the space around you. What is the space behind you. What is the space in between?

I tottered around the space happily. The space in between for me was an out of control, and out of balance act. So I played around with that idea, amplified it a little. Note to self, I will have to lighten my footsteps.

Published on
8/7/19 7:11 PM

I called my Father

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