Gratitude

 Curious, a slow Tuesday afternoon with - suddenly - nothing to do. Do, what a word, as though the act of doing is linked to the act of being. As we so often say - I'm going to do laundry, and I'm going to do grocery shopping, to do up my online site, do this, do that. Instead of waking up and saying: Today, I'll be happy. Today is the day I'll be grateful, I'll be zen. And so? Perhaps today I shall do being, I shall do up a list of being grateful.

Sunlight. I am grateful for you the Sun, in all your splendor and magnificence. An orb on high that shines and gives us the gift of rays of warmth, a dying star that emits such radiance that us at such a distance away still feel the licks of solar flares 8 minutes after they emerged. I'm grateful for the call of reality, of the presence it brings to the street, for the scrunch of our face when we face the sun that inevitably turns into a smile, because, perhaps a stranger mistook the scrunch for a smile and as we know Delight is contagious.

Sleep. I am grateful for sleep. For the dreams that come with it. For the rest that my body and mind needs, for being able to re-find the switch to click off. For the dreams that come of me running like a cheetah, being in a car race, or even skipping on water. What beautiful imagery my subconscious has in store for me the next night?

Moving. I am grateful for my body. To be as light as a feather, or to be as heavy as stone. For this bag of bones and flesh that is able to be the convoy for my imagination. I am grateful for the new freedom I'm finding every day with my body. I can dance! I am free! 

Mind. I am grateful for my mind. The one that runs a million miles per hour without stopping, a spider on it's autobahn of threads, webbing and weaving and interlacing thoughts. Connecting connections on the neverending highway of neurons. Seeing what's here and what's not, and adding in to add fresh perspectives. It naturally adds, and the release of the chains that constrains it from saying yes to itself, what a great tool improv has taught me! This mind that works tirelessly to understand, even faced with a task that was not meant to understand, it keeps going and going until - 

Friends. I am grateful to my tribe. The people that preach mindfulness. That preach connection. Who are we but nothing in the grand scheme of things, but tiny in the vast universe, but also empty without the hive that sustains all consciousness. I am grateful for these beings that continue to create. Because it's important to do so. Because faced with the void, what else can we do but shout?

Games - I am grateful for these other worlds to escape to when this world seems harsh. I am grateful for the worlds of other gamers. Beautiful colors with colorful words, nothing held back, the truth of humanity comes out behind screens.

Food. I am grateful for the ability to eat anything I want now. I am grateful for healthy food with vitamins that keep me energetic, veggies and fruits that keep me on my toes all day. I am grateful for fried chicken that knocks me out. I am grateful for delicious steak that fills the belly, peppered fries that fill the soul.

Smells. I am grateful for the smells of the cities. For the smells of Paris in winter - the smell of sudden snow flakes, smell of the masses on the street, the steaming concrete releasing its heat from the day, the perfumes of the bourgeois, the smell of fresh baguettes that scream TAKE ME NOW, the smell of urine and the smell of after rain washing into the drainage, the smell of the avenues filled with polluted smoke, the smell of the cafes and rich earthy coffee brews. I am even grateful for the burnt smell in my nostrils that are probably my lungs releasing chemicals, and the indescribable smell of release deep inside as I lie down after a long taxing day. The smell of an apple, of grapes BURSTING, of cranberries, of pineapples banana smoothie blend, of freshly cooked salmon and rice, yes plain ole rice. The smell of my mask from laundry fresh to cloth smell to body odour to too many aftertastes of after-meals to the need-to-throw-it-in-machine. The smell of my hands. The smell of hand sanitisers.

Family. I am grateful for my family, as distorted as we are, without whom my journey would not be possible.

Freedom. I am grateful for the freedom I have. Bodily, financially, capabilities, capacity. I am grateful for the talent I have that enables me to grasp ideas, concepts.

I am grateful for Annie, without whom this list would have remained in my head.