Red Flags

 How many months into a relationship until we see the first red flag?


Another way - how long before the honeymoon period is over? At what point does the rosy-tinted lenses of blind love fall down onto the cemented pavement and smash into a million pieces?

It actually starts with a crack. Once the integrity is compromised, suddenly the rest of the piece follows. I once cracked an AMA pod. 3 sorties later, the outer casing of the AMA pod was done for, like someone had placed it into a blender and pieced the remnants back together while dropping acid. I imagine once the first signs a red flag show up, the rest of the flags fall on top of it.

1 month is a good average, I'd guess. The first week is all about each other. How's your day been. Did you have a good lunch. Do you want to go to the movies. Are you going for yoga later. The second week, things move into together territory. Let's dine in tonight. Let's go to Laura's soiree. Let's do the thing together. Third week and things are about me. I'm grabbing some coffee, you want some? I'm headed to the bar after work, wanna come? I had a good day writing today. Fourth week and sex slows down.

I jest.

I rarely see women for more than a month.

I mean just today a girl hit on me at MckyDee's. Guys, fast food is all about instant gratification. You think any bond forged under its house is going to last? If I were to reach into her pants and take out her panties, I bet I could cut it into a red flag and swing it from the rooftops.

Really. My red flag isn't that I speed through relationships. It's that I want them to pee on me and my rubber ducky. #goldlinesforimprov

Published on
2/19/19 8:23 AM

Wow. Am I a player??

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