The over-sexualizer

 Yeah, you know that guy. The person who doesn't shut up about dicks and cunts and everything in between. "There isn't actually anything in between. Just the bit of space before it disappears... again and again."


AARGH

"Brunch is served, just like how I served yo mom last night. She couldn't get enough of these bananas. Eat up! Swallow your food! Yes, just like how she swallowed my food. Mmm yes, eat that pickle, eat it like how you would eat my dick."

HOW ABOUT NO

"In the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit. Ever wondered why the steeple looks so erect? God wanted us to know he was biggus dickus. That's why all the priests are so stiff. They just take it up their asses all the time. Almost makes you feel sorry for them. Then you remember the shit they do to altar boys. It's a vicious cycle man, God does the priests, the priests do the boys, the boys take it out on racoons, racoons on mice, mice on cockroaches. That's why God gave cockroaches immortality. God does not want the cockroaches up in heaven - why do you think they were named cockroaches?"

FUCK THAT IMAGE

"Damn son, aids? Look at that nurse standing at attention. Better put away that hard on for that erection engineer."

I ran out of steam. I thought I had more of this in me.

ANYWAY I DON'T KNOW DICK IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES BUT I KNOW HOW TO SAY DICK MORE THAN 10 WAYS IN ENGLISH:

"Your knib-knob, your pump chump, your wing wang, stiffy, boner, woody, dangle, pokey, your thrill drill, your meat wench, the impaler, custard launcher, hot dog, sausage, salami, junk, your fun gun, cock-a-saurus, chicksicle, vagina miner, joystick, love torpedo, hump pump, pleasure piston, love stick."

I plan to collect these and memorise enough for a full minute of stand up. Life goals.

Published on
3/29/19 6:50 AM

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

For Christelle Brouck

  I knew who you were when we first met. I was in shoes, street shoes, and you told me later that you thought I danced jerkily and that was okay because jerky was a style in and as of itself, but I wore tango shoes the next time and you were drunk and you thought holy moly this guy can dance smooth. You laughed a lot in our dances, and you said that you had no idea what your feet were doing, and I said me neither. That made you laugh harder. I asked you if you had done something to have your chakras re-aligned, and you smiled in that way you do and you said that you knew I got it. That made me feel connected and spiritually knowledgeable even though I had no idea what it meant to align chakras. You said it felt like it had been helicoptering around and when it came home you felt like you'd found you, and I smiled and said I understood. We had these misunderstandings and projections on each other but I can't seem to find the strength to remember or write them down. After you wer...
Read more

Asie en Italie

 It's terrifying to see two Asian kids grinning at you across the street, flossing their hips in tandem Maybe they know something I don't. So I crossed the street and sat down by the tree next to them for some brunch. The two kids seemed happy, mostly fooling around and playing with each other.  When all of a sudden, an older lady (mom?) came over and started yelling at the younger boy. He looked mortified, confused, and was guiltily trying to hang on to the sense of joy he still had earlier. And the older boy just went over to hug the older lady.  A hug was all it took. They conversed a little more, before the lady left. The older boy sat down, exhausted, while the younger boy played with his fingers. These Asian boys are on to something.
Read more

Dying twice

 It seized me from the inside and the outside my whole body trembling lines were added and then more between  this world and the next breath made no sense the air was within and without I was lost so it seized me and I allowed it I fell backwards  with a sigh eyes open or shut? something kissed me and emptied me  of my breath of everything the lines flooded in to form a ladder into infinity of which I was at the bottom gazing up yearning then a powerful presence on top suffocating, milking, birthing and then I was left wanting staring through the cages at children trapped in pipes The message was clear; not enough effort to unlock my childhood ~ I wanted another ~ It seized me again I didn't allow it Held my ground held my breath within and stared down the goblin it refused to budge neither did I My shaman was whispering good, good what did good mean did it matter? I am here and I fight for my breath until the goblin wavered his red eyes glinting shimmered and got su...
Read more