Arthaus: I'm a little lost

 Arthaus day seven:


Speed is a curious thing.

I've been brought up a winner. In swimming, I've had to swim quicker than others. In rugby, I've had to be the quickest to reach the ball in a scrum. In soccer, be faster than the striker when saving the ball. Badminton - quicker and for a longer time than my opponent. I have access to speedier rhythms than most, and I am able to enjoy them fully.

I've generally worked with the understanding that an artist / actor shows themselves when they're pushed out of their comfort zone. To a speed that they're not currently feeling. To be slower than they are if they're all over the place. To be faster than they care to be. Thoughts to be continued.

In the asian-western context, I think at different speeds on different topics in each culture. Let's take food for example. In asia, food is warmth, food is family, food is bonding. We love to say: 'Lets go makan!' 'Let's go eat beef noodles ah' 'Prata and curry, yessssss' 'You know the wanton mee place, yah let's go'. There's an informal tone, an invitation - even with strangers - to be closer than. Whereas I find that in the western world, we have: 'I'm... vegetarian. I'm vegan. I'm on a keto diet. I'm not doing dinners. I'm doing low carbs.' And everyone slowly looks at each other, having a feel. 'Do you eat fish? Oh ok so you're a peskiterian.' 'It's fine, they're going to have cheese at the restaurant.' The speed is different.

I closed my eyes and stood off to the side, in front of the windows. This was going to be my point of departure on Diana's journey of her artist's manifesto. She gently pushes my head down and places both my palms on the side of my head. We walk in sharp lines with jagged breath, palms coming up in frustration at various points as though asking for relief from this inward suffering. And then it was softer, as though we had exhausted this implosion. We knelt down and reached forward into the space. Reaching out for someone, something, some space to connect to. And when we stood up, suddenly the world was there. We counted one, no two, no three, four... seven... ten people!!! And then there was god. We sink to the ground, stretching towards the heavens. And at last when we could sink no more, there was us. And when the realization hits home, we return to child pose.

I sat down on the floor near the opposite windows. This was going to by my point of departure on the parody of Lucy's (no. 2) journey. I start in child's pose, gradually coming up, then running in huge circles around the room. It culminates in the middle with a ice skating spins that looks like flowers growing, then a crunch inwards that increases the velocity of the spin. Then it spreads out, blossoming and slowing down. And when that was done, I plucked all the fruits, gathered all the applause, as much as my embrace would allow, until I could pick no more. Then I sank down. Not knowing where to place them, I spill them on the ground, then nurtured them to life. When all was done, I sank back into child's pose.

We played again with music. First as our partner, then us being music, and then counter. Today, I was able to simplify my relationship with the music. I went with an older question I always had for myself - where do the instruments resonate? Lying down, the piano resonated in my head, and I had a vision of Romeo and Juliet with tender fingers on one another. Then the strings came in and they resonated in my back. What emotion is this? Indecisiveness. They were feeling themselves and each other out. Feeling how much they cared, asking themselves how much they cared. Some small harmonica and flute moments that took me into my heart and head. They seemed to be pulling me from both centers. I understood them as reasons to want. When finally a different organ played that was lower, felt in my hips (or my sex), it was a sharper indecisiveness. A decision had to be made, and it was this way, or that way, or this way, or that way, and as the last note of that bled into an intense orchestra, I knew the answer was a want stronger than anything I ever felt before. I ran towards the audience and stood on the edge, expanding my body.

Spatial, body, emotions.

Published on
7/23/19 11:27 PM

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